Today’s word is “Nerve.”

Do you have it? Do you want it? If you have it, do you want more of it?  Not money, not sex, not wit. Nerve.

You might guess from the anonymous nature of this site that I consider myself in lack of nerve.  You are correct, Sir!  As far as I am concerned there is nothing better than the sure, sweet silence of total anonymity.  I can say (type) whatever I want and certainly, it won’t come back to bite me in the behind, no-siree-bob.  I can say (type) with gusto, with aplomb, whatever pops into my pretty little head, and I can say (type) it in whatever slap-dash manner I choose. Because you don’t know who I am and you don’t care.  It’s funny how knowing this about you increases my nerve.

It’s different face-to-face, isn’t it?  Or even in written words, but with people you know.  There is a conference I would love to sign up for, but it is run by someone I like, respect, kinda-have-a-crush-on, and I don’t have the nerve to put myself out there for his judgment.  I feel I need to wait until I am better at what I do.  Until I can impress him and his peers. At least until I feel I’m not such a novice.

I know, I know, I’m setting myself up for a life sold short.  And I’m not proud of being a lily-livered, yellow-bellied coward. But how can you tell the difference between the, I think, sound choice to wait to do something until you have some ability and waiting too long to do something because you simply lack nerve?  I tend to feel like people should wait just a bit longer to put themselves out in the world as experts or professionals.  For example, I used to work in a field where I would be thrown together with artists a lot.   Some of these artists were terrific, accomplished artists who created beautiful or interesting or even just not awful works.  Some of them saw commercial success, most did not, but they knew what they were about.  But more often I would run into artists who were of the not-quite-ready variety.  Their work looked like something you would see in a middle or high school display, and not the gifted kids either.  I’m not a critic, so I won’t go into artistic details and what was wanting from their work, and I wouldn’t dare say they shouldn’t be creating whatever art was in their hearts. They should. However, that they felt the need to build websites to display their art, and design t-shirts, mugs, and note cards featuring their art, that they would pay to advertise their wares in magazines, well.  Someone was giving them poor advice.   Not every doodle is art.  Not every blog post is print-worthy. Not every hobby is meant to garner an income.  Not every person is meant to become famous.

I’m just being realistic.  And knowing that those misled “artists” fully believe that their work is amazing and gallery ready makes me wonder how anyone can be so mistaken in their abilities. And that leads me to wonder how you can ever judge your own work.  Which leads me to wonder further still how you know which category you fall into – good at something or good at fooling yourself.  Sigh.  And that’s where I lose my nerve.